Insatiable Appetite
by zalrb
Summary: Bonnie Bennett is back from the prison world a ghost of who she once was, the only person who can get her to feel anything is the one person who put her in the position to be unfeeling in the first place - Kai Parker. In this story, she chooses to confront him, unleash her fury on him but the night takes an unexpected turn in his kitchen...


She knew she'd come back different. She did. Each time she'd died, each time she'd come to life she wasn't the same somehow, she was better or felt better; felt luckier, felt determined to enjoy life, the bonds of friendship, felt a resolution to not waste the time she was given back. But this, what she was feeling now, it wasn't that, it wasn't better, it was … it was nothing. Hollowness. Caroline would hug her and Elena would try and talk to her and all she felt was removed, distant — a living ghost haunting her old life. They all wanted her to be Strong Bonnie, Martyr Bonnie, Bubbly Bonnie, Don't-Worry-About-Me Bonnie but she couldn't give her to them, she couldn't give them anything, she didn't feel anything.

And she wondered … was it because she was in hell? No it wasn't her hell it was someone else's but a hell nonetheless. Was it because she'd been stranded by Elena. By Damon. Was it because she was trapped in a hell that looked exactly like her home? Did that crack her psyche? She wasn't sure. Did she need to be? Was the how or the why important?

All she knew was that whatever made her this way, whatever reason there was, it led her to this moment, this choice, this mistake.

Because there _was_ one way she could feel something, one way she felt awake, felt a part of the world, and it was seeing Kai. She would see him and feel fear, not of him but of the rage he inspired in her, of the overpowering desire that devastated her body when she saw his face; the desire to hurt him, punish him, tear him apart for the things he did to her back in _his_ hell in which _she_ was trapped. And if it was between feeling something or nothing, she was choosing something, even if it scared her, even if the satisfaction she felt in experiencing it was vicious and violent and savage, even if she never knew how she'd react whenever she was near him, because at least when she was near him, she felt alive. It was why she ditched the surprise birthday party her friends threw her. It was why she took a couple shots of tequila before taking a walk. It was why she was here, in front of the place Kai was staying at, as resolute as she had been since coming back.

The door was unlocked but Bonnie didn't find that strange; on the contrary she felt like it was just like Kai to invite in whatever danger awaited him, confident and assured that he'd win because he always did. Their time together in the nineties was proof of that.

She stepped into a dark hallway that seemed to go on forever, the only source of light was an orange glow at the end of it where the living room probably was. She treaded carefully down toward it, almost on tiptoe, though she didn't know why. She didn't know if she was meant to surprise Kai with her appearance, if she planned on attacking him or just looking at him; she didn't know how any of it worked. She just knew this was where she'd chosen to be, where she felt she had to be.

And there he was at the end of the hallway, not in the living room, which was to the left of Bonnie but in the kitchen to her right. He was sitting at the breakfast bar, the flickering glow of the fireplace casting him in half-shadow. The scene, Bonnie felt, would maybe be more ominous if he wasn't eating ice cream from a bowl, an empty plate in front of him, cutting knives and deli meats scattered around the counter; the scene would also seem more innocent, just someone up for a late night snack, if Bonnie didn't know who Kai was, what he was capable of.

He was sitting on the stool closest to her but swallowed another spoonful of ice cream before speaking. "Hello, Bonnie."

"You don't seem surprised to see me here."

"I'm not."

Bonnie snorted. "What, are you psychic now? Can predict when I'm coming?"

At this, Kai's eyes flicked up toward her, a hint of a grin tugging at his lips. "Not in the way you're thinking."

She did her best not to part her lips to show her surprise at the joke. "How funny," she said, her voice clipped.

"I try."

He continued to dig his spoon in the ice cream and Bonnie was reminded of their time together in the nineties, how he always seemed to be eating; it got on her nerves then and it bothered her now. She welcomed it in a way because at least she knew she could be bothered by _something_ but her sense of gratitude was suddenly met with anger at needing Kai to feel anything at all.

"You look conflicted," he said. He sounded amused. It only deepened Bonnie's anger.

"Oh don't worry. I'm just making a pro and con list on my decision to kill you," she said.

Kai smiled and nodded his head downward as if he were addressing his bowl. "There are cons for you?"

"I'm struggling to find some."

"Why would you want to find any?"

"It shouldn't surprise me that I have to explain this to a psychopath but killing is wrong."

"Didn't stop you from killing me."

"I guess you just bring that out in me," said Bonnie savagely.

"Yeah but that's why you're here," said Kai. His smile widened and chills erupted on Bonnie's back. She clenched her jaw.

"I don't know what you mean."

Kai scraped his spoon on the edge of his bowl. "Yeah you do."

Bonnie shook her head. "Do you always have to eat?"

"I have a … _insatiable_ appetite."

"Or you're just a pig." Bonnie could hear her own hostility but there was something else too, something building up inside of her.

Kai looked at her, the smile still on his face; playful and knowing. It made Bonnie uncomfortable in what had to be the best possible way but that wasn't what she wanted to focus on. She kept talking. "Just stop being dramatic and tell me what you're talking about."

"You feel what I'm talking about. You're feeling it right now. You…" Kai got up and stood in front of Bonnie, continuing to eat like nothing was happening. She couldn't listen to what he was saying, she couldn't focus on anything but the spoon and the ice cream and Kai's mouth. It was more than irritating now, it enraged her. He couldn't stop eating to speak to her, the refusal was … it was rude and arrogant and cavalier. Like him. He'd shot her with an arrow, he'd stabbed her with a knife, he'd stranded her and stalked her and now he was just there, just … just _eating_? And suddenly, without knowing what came over her, she reached into the bowl, grabbing what she could of the ice cream and mashed it on the lower half of Kai's face.

Before she could think about what she just did, marvel at her impulsivity, before she could move her hand away, before she could even process that Kai stopped talking, that the bowl was on the counter now, Kai grabbed her wrist and dragged her fingers to his lips; he put her index finger in his mouth and sucked, his teeth grazing her skin. Then he licked her palm. Bonnie gasped, filled with loathing and want, her body shaken by the alien familiarity of intense emotion. She moved forward, waited for him to lean in for a kiss, then sharply turned his head to the side, put her lips on his face, baring her teeth so they made imprints on his cheeks, getting whatever ice cream she could in her mouth. He groaned and circled his hands around her waist, squeezing tightly, she felt some magic leave her body, the pain made her stiffen and she could feel Kai smile against her skin. A part of her longed for the agony again, the other part hated herself for longing for the same pain he used as a weapon against her not long ago. This was all wrong. What she felt was wrong and not the kind of wrong she expected when she'd made up her mind to see him.

"No," Bonnie shoved him away with such force, he staggered a little. "I didn't come here for this." She turned to head back to the hallway but Kai grabbed her and yanked her back toward him. The moment she felt him pull, she snatched up a cutting knife from the breakfast bar and put the blade to his neck. He stared at her, his eyes burning with a desire she'd seen in him once before — the first time he siphoned magic from her — his gaze seemed to bore into her mind, unlocking whatever inhibitions she had left, leaving her with only dark thoughts; thoughts Martyr Bonnie or Bubbly Bonnie would've shut down instantly. She realized she'd been holding her breath and she pressed the knife in deeper.

"Do it," he said.

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. "You don't mean that. I don't buy that I laugh in the face of danger crap."

Kai put his hand over Bonnie's and ran the knife down a little, droplets of blood appeared and she opened her mouth, shocked by the excitement she felt.

"I do mean it. If you want to do it then do it. Do what you want to me."

There was a brief pause in which hundreds of thoughts ran across Bonnie's mind, jumbling together. She still wanted to make Kai hurt, still wanted to ruin him, wreck him; the need she had to destroy him was undeniable but the how had changed. She wanted to make him yearn in the worst way, crave her until he couldn't stand it; she wanted to be under his skin like how he was under hers. She wanted to make him feel things that twisted him up inside.

Without moving the knife, Bonnie lunged at Kai, bringing her mouth to his, their teeth clashed briefly. He bit down on her lower lip, making her moan then moved his hand from hers and started unbuttoning his shirt. Halfway down, Bonnie wrenched the material away so his chest was exposed; she cut him, a long slice, savouring the feel of the rigid blade against his smooth skin and grinned at hearing his sharp intake of breath. When she bent down to lick the blood away, the sigh hitched in his throat. He was surprised. He was aroused. Good. She didn't know what made her do it but she felt ferocious joy at his reaction, at being unpredictable. She cut him again, lower, on his stomach.

"Shit," he breathed. It was Bonnie's turn to smile.

Suddenly, the knife was out of her hand and fingers were in her hair, yanking her head back and holding it in place so that she couldn't escape Kai's gaze. His face was red, flushed. The hunger she felt in his stare, in how tightly he was holding her, it made her ache. And beneath that ache she felt it, the guilt, the guilt that would overwhelm her when this was over but it wasn't enough for her to stop, it wasn't enough to stamp out the very real fact that everything she'd been feeling since she set foot in this kitchen she'd been feeling with almost mortifying severity and she hadn't felt this deeply about anything in months.

The knife was at her neck now and she dared him with her eyes: _cut me, do it_. Then she felt the blade across her skin; it was more thrilling than she expected and her pulse quickened, her eyes clouded. He cut her one more time, she wasn't braced for it and cried out, he bit his lip and smirked, making Bonnie feel a lustful rage. Taken over by impulse she ran her nails on the side of his face, he dropped the knife and she leaned over and bit his shoulder, reaching behind him to feel the muscles in his back, digging in to feel them work. His hands were on her waist then she felt them twist, she was turned around and slammed against the fridge. His mouth was on her neck, over her cut, she reached behind her with one arm and felt her hands in his hair. He moved away and she heard it before she felt it, the rip, the tear; her dress was no longer intact and on her body, neither were her underthings. She was about to turn around but Kai stopped her, his voice gentle, husky… deadly, sinister.

"Don't turn around," he said. "Or I'll blindfold you."

One part of her, the part that arched her back, revelled in the hedonistic anticipation; even before death, before the nineties, she had never wanted like this, she had never felt the kind of desire that devours, that smothers, that reaches into the deepest recesses of your mind and makes you enjoy things that go against your very nature. But that was the problem. She didn't have a nature anymore, she didn't have anything to go against; her time in hell eroded everything about her past self and it was Kai's fault for her leaving her there. That was why she came. To feel, yes, but to feel fury at him and when that fury erupted into passion, she was supposed to use it devour _him_ , smother _him_ and now she was the one completely naked.

Quickly, Bonnie turned around and when Kai was about to speak, she slapped him across the face.

"Shut up."

His eyes flashed dangerously and yet with treacherous excitement. Forcefully, Bonnie undid his belt. "Kiss me," she said.

Kai grabbed her by the throat and smashed his face into hers, the kiss was violent and yearning all at the same time. Bonnie stood on her toes to deepen it and Kai took the opportunity to lift her onto him; she wrapped her legs around him. Then she pulled away, her breathing haggered. "Go to the counter."

Never looking away from her, Kai walked backward toward the breakfast bar, using his free hand to swipe everything on it onto the floor. When Bonnie's knees felt the granite, she pushed Kai hard onto the surface so that he was lying flat down and she was sitting astride him; he ran his hands up her sides but Bonnie grabbed them and flung them away. She grabbed his chin, kissed him, his neck, pulled away, stared fixedly at him until she could feel his longing for her inflame her skin. With a growl, he reached up to touch her face but she took his hand and lay it back down on the counter but above his head.

"Put your other arm up too. Cross your wrists together."

Bonnie saw Kai's lips part, saw his eyes turn molten as he did what she said. She took his belt and tied his hands together, tightly squeezing the buckle so she could hear him gasp. Then she pierced her eyes into his again until he knew there was no escaping her.


End file.
